fuckyeahlaughters:

peregr1ne:

my mom is trying to pick a colour for her new wheelchair and me and my dad are telling her to get black and she’s just like “but how will I know if someone is stealing it” and my dad is just like “because you’ll be sitting on the floor” and she slapped him

peevesies:

i went down to the middle school today for relay for life and i saw my old social studies teacher i had a crush on (don’t talk to me) and he was like “hey how are you i haven’t seen you in ages?” and the first thing i blurted out was “I JUST TURNED 18” and jesus christ if that’s not the thirstiest thing i’ve said in my whole life

familyfriendlyurl:

when i was in grade 3 our class was having a party and i brought in the shrek soundtrack and everyone loved it and the girl i had a crush on winked at me i owe everything to shrek

aesthetic-dissonance:

sagihairius:

My mom just informed me that my first word was “quote” so I’m going to make sure my last word before I die will be “unquote”

you have been blessed with a rare and epic opportunity

tears-in-the-tardis:

sometimes my mood is ‘beyonce’

but other times its ‘white person in an infomercial’

sodamnrelatable:

laughingstation:

people that have trouble gaining weight